He makes my feet like the
feet of a deer;
he enables me to stand on
the heights.
He trains my hands for
battle;
my arms can bend a bow of
bronze.
You give me your shield of
victory,
and your right hand sustains
me;
you stoop down to make me
great.
You broaden the path
beneath me,
so that my ankles do not
turn.
Psalm 18: 33-36
(The words of David)
I have always struggled with the concept of letting God "be in charge" of my life. This idea is clearly presented in the bible, but I find it a bit frightening and terribly confusing.
What am I supposed to do? Sit on a rock until a heavenly instruction pamphlet drops into my lap? "Have no will of my own?" That sounds nihilistic, not to mention impossible. What in the world does this mean? Give up my life? Deny myself?
When I take these ideas to their logical conclusions (via my weird brain paths), I'm left with an image of Gollum lying limply on a prison cell floor. A rotted shell of a person who is "empty for the Lord." I find this sickening. Thank you, brain, for not understanding correctly (again).
But the words above - the words of King David - are not the words of an empty man. They are the words of a strong, capable, vital man.
In my old age, I'm beginning to understand that letting God "be in charge" isn't an either/or proposition. It's not God OR me. It's the two of us together. The fullest relationship with God only works if I bring my entire self to the table, warts and all. He gave me my personality, vision, talents, and experiences for a reason, and He leaves me free to choose: I can use what I possess for strictly personal gains, or if I wish, I can use them to further His kingdom here on Earth. The choice is mine. Therein lies the distinction, I believe. Not who gets to dominate? but who do I want to serve - myself or God? At heart, despite my flaws, I want to serve God.
"Letting Him be in charge" sounds dubious to me, so I choose to rephrase:
Why wouldn't I want the creator of the universe, the wisest of all, the one and only God who loves us deeply (so deeply that He suffered death in our stead!), to teach me? Guide me? Help me out? Show me? Why wouldn't I want to listen to the most beautiful, brilliant being of all? Why wouldn't His way be best? Why wouldn't I want to do His work? When I present it to myself this way, I say yes, and I'm not afraid.
Young David understood this. He loved and served God from his youth, yet remained brazenly himself (major flaws and all) throughout his life. And God adored him.
So that pretty much wraps it up for today. The end. :)
4 comments:
Worship can take so many forms, as I updated on Facebook when I was filled with joy while serving at a recent church health fair. And today, I felt I worshipped while reading this beautiful post.
BTW, I love the photo. Perfect illustration of the concept.
jen, reading this makes me want to kick myself for not clicking on the "hi kooky" link in my blog roll EVERY single day! oh, the things i might be missing... like that horse photo from LAST DECEMBER... yikes! i vow to make a better effort to visit more often... not for you... for me! i love to read what you write so well.
and oddly, today, you have uttered thoughts so similar to thoughts that have been mulling around in my head... only, i could never write them the way you do. a gift, indeed!
thank you, for this. i am going to read it again and take it with me for the day... sort of like how you take your photos in your pocket to carry around with you. =)
just LOVED this. i quite agree. i want this kind of relationship with this God i sometimes think is too big to be intimate with little ol' me.
I have been struggling with this entire idea for a couple years now. Really. And it is driving me mad. Thanks for the new insight...I hadn't really thought of it in this way before. Your picture sums it up quite nicely too:)
Don't you wish answers were right in front of us! (And I KNOW you can find answers when you read....but it doesn't seem they are so clear to me at times.)
Thank you for this post.
Life is so interesting!! I am learning how to open my tight grip on all things "ME" so that God can take charge. I have learned that His plans are so much better than the ones I come up with. But, just when I thought I was getting good at letting go...and just when I thought I had turned everything over to Him to have nothing in my hands..I find that I have more to let go of. Everyday is a journey!
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